I don’t remember when it was. I don’t remember where I let you. It seemed for an moment I have let you in a plane from Bukavu to Cairo. Don’t you think it wad before that ? Maybe it happened when I purposely ignored you. It was about nineteen years ago. It was the time I created you.
You sent strong signals to make me seeking you. Would have only wanted to look after you? Even invisible, you took all my space. The weight of your emotions, under your veil, was too heavy for my light heart. You have tried t get back into life, to not be a ghost anymore. You even apologized. You tried to cheat me making me believe that you were not what I though, that nothing that you and me saw really happened. My little ghost, it is impossible for you to change the past, to change yourself; because you belong to the past. It is impossible for you to deny it. As it is impossible for me to deny you.
I have ignored you so well that I have forgotten you at my teenager hood. When my minds sets free from the educational frames, you sliced yourself in this very free space. Then I drowned you in alcohol. I burnt you with cigarettes. I locked you in luggage sent for lost places in the world. I spoiled you in unknown’s bed sheets. After all, you insist and sign.
You name yourself as the only source of my sadness and the only cure for it. You invite yourself in my thoughts as an excuse of all my bad behaviors and words. You glorify my sensitivity as it was your own creation. You are nothing about my present and you’re all I am today. You were the beginning of my life and the end of the submission I chose. You sacrificed your innocence for my future. You surrender your talents and potential thinking they were not welcome in this world. You flew high in a sky that you invented, one that looks like you, one to protect us. You dived deep in depth that only you and me know. These dept is still my shelter today
If only I could join you twenty years ago, I would have brought you in ocean and in the sky. I would have created a wide, transparent and strong bubble where you could see without being seen, where you could be yourself without judgments, fears and calculation. Forgive me that I have ignored you, rejected you, and misunderstood you.
It is impossible for me to deny you. You are me, I am you. You are a part of me, a smallest part, more fragile. Let me welcome you for us to live in peace, for you to not haunt me anymore, for me to not hate you anymore. Don’t hate me because I moved forward without you. I will estimate you for what you are, no more, no less. I will set you free from your condition of ghost. Please, stay at your child’s role and let me the adult’s role. I know what you didn’t know. I have the power you didn’t have. Let me take care about you. That one day you can look at my children growing up with the safety you missed. That one day, you can rest in their smiles.
Zyphera 